Have you thought about your value? Whether you haven’t given much thought to it, or you find yourself struggling with self-esteem, use this post to discover your value to the dance floor. Since Valentine’s Day is February 14, we always view February as the Month of Love. We could go into so much detail about loving your partner, or the love we have for one another. But instead, we wanted to focus on loving oneself. That can be difficult sometimes. So in this post, we will share some practices that ballroom dancers use to develop self-love. If ballroom dancers can do it, you can, too!
In our post about objectivity, we got a lot of positive feedback about the helpfulness of our advice. Being involved in such a judgmental industry as ballroom dancing, it’s important to learn how to face oneself with objectivity and clear retrospection. Developing self-love is key to that skill. Self-love tends to be one of those terms that is associated with Millennials and Gen-Z, and can often be scoffed at by members of older generations who didn’t struggle with constant comparison and judgment. In reality, self-love is just a 21st century term for knowing one’s value and worth. In a world overrun by social media, technology, and constant judgment, knowing one’s worth must come first.
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Before jumping into the individual practices of developing self-love, let’s first define, in strict terms, self-love. You might be surprised to hear that the term “self-love” has actually been in use since the mid-1500s! So much for it being a Millennial Invention! Self-love is a facet of our emotional well-being. It does not stem from material acquisitions or superficial achievements such as “being more beautiful”. Rather, self-love is the result of a series of actions you have taken to mature and grow, to become more fulfilled. Self-love is literally the ability to accept your faults and mistakes. Not to make excuses for them, but to accept them as a part of your humanity.
1. Know Yourself.
This is going to be a hard practice, but one that is worth it in the long run. Ballroom dancing is a judgmental world, where opinion is often based on a 3-second glance. We are constantly trying to find ways to up-play our strengths and downplay our weaknesses. But how can you do this if you don’t love your strengths? In fact, how can you love your strengths if you don’t even know what they are?
Using some of the tips we offered in our post about objectivity, take a moment to look at yourself. Do it as an outsider looking in. Search for the positives. If you find this difficult, we have an exercise for you.
Retrospection Exercise
On a piece of paper, draw a T Graph, and section it out into three rows. The first row should be titled “Physical”. The second should be titled “Talents”, and the third should be titled “Personality”. On the left-hand side of the T, write down three positives about your “Physical”, your “Talents”, and your “Personality”. On the right-hand side, write down three negatives. Most people will find the negatives much easier to list than the positives. This, in and of itself, is an important aspect of this exercise. As people, we often find ourselves in a constant cycle of self-criticism, and sometimes it takes an exercise like this to recognize it.
On the positive side of the graph, you can write as many as you like, but it must be at least three. On the negative side, you can write as few as you like, but limit yourself to no more than three. The next part of the exercise is to identify which of your positives you can up-play and emphasize to your advantage.
For the negatives, draw a circle around the things you cannot change. For instance, if you wrote “I am short” on the negative side, there is nothing you can do about that. Around the things you cannot change, write another list of three things you can do to turn that negative into an advantage. “I am short” can easily be changed into “I never feel crammed in an airplane seat”. With the remaining negatives, write a list of three steps you can take to downplay or improve these things. For the negative aspect, “I get angry easily”, three ways to improve this could be, “Don’t respond immediately” or “Try to understand their point of view” or “Take a moment to decide if this is really a problem that will matter in three days”.
The point to this exercise is to learn how to stop criticizing ourselves for things that cannot be changes, or things that we are unwilling to change. And for the things that can be changed, to create an actionable plan to improve ourselves.
2. Surround Yourself with Positivity
Sometimes people are toxic. Get rid of those people. The hardest part about ending toxic relationships is that sometimes, those toxic relationships are people that are close to you. Realizing that someone you love is toxic can be a terrible realization. But you will never fully love yourself if you have someone next to you constantly drawing attention to your negatives.
So how do you determine if someone is toxic?
Some toxic relationships are obvious. Others require a bit more digging. First of all, pay attention to what that person focuses on. Do they constantly dwell on negatives you cannot change? If they are disparaging you for being too short, or too tall, or too dark or too light, they are definitely not accepting you for who you are. Simultaneously, if they are minimizing your positives, that person is definitely toxic.
If, on the other hand, that person takes time to recognize your positives, and offers suggestions on how to improve your negatives or recognizes when those negatives have been improved, that’s a positive person to be around. You need to surround yourself with these types of people. They are the ones who will support you on your journey of self-love and growth, no matter how far along that journey you are. Nobody is perfect. Surround yourself with those who recognize that, and who choose to walk alongside you.
3. Be Grateful.
Gratitude might just be the single most important aspect to learning how to self-love. It’s even more important when you’re having a bad day! When results don’t go right, or practice feels off, or you’re arguing with your partner, it can be easy to dwell on whatever has you down. Take a moment to sit down and write down things you’re grateful for. They can be as small or as big as you like! If you’re at dance practice, being grateful for having a body that is healthy enough to dance is huge! And once you write those things down, you’ll start to feel your entire outlook turning around.
4. Take Notice of the Little Things.
There are a million and one quotes for noticing the little things. But seriously, this makes such a big difference for increasing your gratitude in life. It might seem like a small detail that the peach you just ate drips with sweet juiciness. Maybe you consider it unimportant that the sun shines brightly today. The moment you start to notice these little details, the moment you’ll begin to appreciate the many good things in your life. You will start to feel positivity coming from within. And when you are noticing the many good things around you, this is when you can actually begin to act on what you need versus what you want.
5. Discover What You Need, Not What You Want
Which brings us to our next point, discovering and acting on things that you need, versus what you want. In our consumer oriented world, it becomes far too easy to gravitate toward the quick fix. I feel sad today, so I’ll go shopping. I had a fight with my partner, so I’ll go eat some ice cream. It’s very important to keep an objective outlook on your life. You might feel slightly better after shopping, but those extra clothes you just bought aren’t going to fix the root of the problem. As soon as those clothes disappear into your closet, that feeling of sadness will come right back. The worst part about these superficial “fixes” is that they often come with unintended consequences. If you go on an ice cream eating binge every time you have a fight, you won’t be feeling very good about yourself either.
Before acting on impulse, take time to slow down and consider what it is you actually need. Why do you feel sad? What is causing you to feel sad and what can you do start to overcome it? What was that fight about? Was there something either of you could have said to avoid it? If you fought because you’re both tired or overwhelmed, identifying and fixing that root cause is going to give you more lasting benefits than that single bowl of ice cream. This way, you can stay focused on what will make you stronger and more focused, which increases your self-love.
6. Forgive Yourself
This is the hardest one for all of us dancers! We push ourselves to the limit on a daily basis, and we can’t help but feel guilty on a day off! Honestly, we have to remind ourselves that it’s not a failure to need a day off. We’re not any worse dancers because we made a mistake or had a bad comp. Forgiving yourself for being human is the single most important aspect of practicing self-love. You must accept yourself, even as you try to better yourself. Dancing, like mindfulness, is a journey in and of itself. Accept that your body needs rest, and forgive yourself for needing it. You will start to feel more keyed in to your needs as you develop this ability.
Recap to Develop Self-Love
So, we’ve gone over a few ways that we, as dancers, develop self-love.
- Know Yourself
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
- Be Grateful
- Take Notice of the Little Things
- Discover What You Need, Not What You Want
- Forgive Yourself
Did you find this post helpful? Perhaps you have a few methods you’ve tried out along the way to develop self-love? We would love to hear from you! Please let us know in the comments section below!
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