Earlier in the month, we published an article about developing self-love. This time, we wanted to flip the coin and look at the uglier side – fighting during dance practice. More precisely, we wanted to give you some no-nonsense tips to help you get along with each other better during dance practice.
Let’s face it, dancers fight… some of us, a lot. It’s a natural part of the process. But dance partners are a team, and it’s important that dance partners find ways to get along with each other. Without this, the partnership will no longer work efficiently and success will be slow in coming. So what are some methods that dance partners use to get along with each other? Especially when tensions are high and emotions are hot?
We know this can be a touchy subject. Certainly, we’ve had our fair share of terrible fights. And, staying completely honest, we still do. We once had a dance teacher who told us that he didn’t want to teach a dance couple who never fought. His reasoning was because it meant they didn’t care enough about their dancing to fight about it. There is some truth to that. Speaking for ourselves, we certainly don’t waste the energy it takes to fight about something we care nothing about. Indeed, the root of many of our fights is because we care so much.
And… we’re competitive. We want to win. That can make getting along difficult, too.
So if we still fight, what gives us the right to tell you how to get along with each other?
We’ve been dancing together since our days in the Juniors!
Not only did we start dancing with other in our early teenage years, but we do 10-Dance! In many ways, 10-Dance adds an extra layer of tension to our practices. In order to keep up with our competitors, we have to get the same amount done in half the amount of time. That means keeping things as consistent as possible.
Neither of us are pretending to be perfect. But having danced together for 20 years and managing to do 10-Dance throughout all those years is a feat! We spend almost every moment of every day together. For many years, we even shared a car and a cell phone. Not only do we practice together, but we teach side by side, we travel together, we live together, we work out together, we eat together…. So if hadn’t found a few methods to make sure we get along with each other, we would have split up a long time ago!
Having said that, what are some of the ways we get along with each other, day after day?
1. Have a clear goal for each practice.
The first issue we’ve seen many couples struggle with is the lack of a clear goal for each practice. We don’t mean a goal like, “I want to win the next competition!” The goal is more like, “Today we are going to focus on movement, because based on the video from our last competition, our movement needs a lot of work.”
A clear goal could be a goal that the partnership shares, like a lack of stamina or the movement example above. Or, you could set a goal for each partner and share that with each other. For instance, the man could decide to work on his posture while the lady works on the flexibility of her spine. But you must share these goals with each other! This way, you have a clearer idea what your partner is working on and you will be able to keep yourselves and each other better focused.
2. Respect your partner’s goals.
We think it can go without saying that no two people are the same, and no two people have the same problems. Although we are always trying to improve the partnership, there are many things that we are trying to improve within ourselves, as well. You must respect your partner’s goals, whether or not they are different from yours.
For instance, if your partner is working on a flexible spine, complaining that your partner is not stiff enough would be counter-productive. There is a time and place for all topics, and many times these topics need space to be explored in order to be improved. You should not expect it to feel amazing right off the bat. Nor should you discredit your partner’s focus just because it feels a little worse at the moment.
In order to improve, we must make ourselves vulnerable. Support your partner’s vulnerability, and they will support yours.
3. Create a “translation dictionary”.
“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.” Remember that saying? Well, we have discovered the truth in this time and time again. Early in our careers, one of coaches told us that men and women speak different languages. We can be using the same words, yet saying something completely different. She encouraged us to develop a “translation dictionary” between us.
After so many years of dancing with each other and using and developing this “translation dictionary”, we are so thankful that she taught us this! We still misunderstand each other in practice on a regular basis. But when we teach and work together with the same students, we are able to understand each other’s criticisms about a certain student because we understand each other so well. When one of us is explaining something to a student and our explanation doesn’t seem to be working, we grab each other and tell them in our short-hand terms what we’re feeling. And because we worked to develop this translation dictionary in order to get along with each other, we are able to pinpoint exactly what the other person is feeling in their student.
So this tactic has gone far beyond application in dance practice. It has literally made us better teachers.
4. Remember your shared intentions.
When you’re working toward a big competition or a show, tensions are high. It’s easier to get angry with your partner when things don’t feel right. Remember that you and your partner have the same intentions. What we mean by this, is that both of you want to improve. Both of you want it to work perfectly. And both of you are trying hard.
We have made this mistake many times. One or the other of us keeps making the same error in our dancing. Of course! That’s natural! It takes time to completely rid ourselves of a bad habit! But when tensions are high, a common natural reaction is to accuse your partner of not caring about the error. After all, if you really cared, it would be fixed by now. Right?
Wrong! Sometimes it just takes more time and effort to eradicate that bad habit. We have a saying we use with our students. If there is a problem in your dancing you haven’t fixed yet, it doesn’t mean you haven’t practiced a lot. It just means you haven’t practiced enough. And there is a big difference between a lot and enough.
So be patient with your partner. They want to improve their abilities and their results as much as you do! And they want it to work perfectly as much as you, too!
5. Work with a predetermined practice structure.
Honestly, this tip helped us the most. Again, being 10-Dancers, it’s extremely important that we make complete use of every second of our practice. So to make sure we are not wasting time, we create a practice plan that we follow closely.
Everything is scheduled, from the amount of time that we use to warm up, to the frequency and lengths of our water breaks. We also plan out how long we intend to spend on each dance, indeed on each section of each dance!
This has a few benefits. First, it allows us to create a plan while we are in our most logical, least emotional, state. Second, it forces us to practice many things without wasting time for breaks. And third, if we do end up arguing about something, we are forced to move on to the next subject. Just the fact that we are moving on to a new dance or a new subject can be enough to completely reset the attitude and our behavior towards each other.
Summary of How to Get Along with Each Other
So in conclusion, it’s important that you are on the same page with each other if you want to be able to get along with each other in dance practice. Sometimes we have amazing practices, and other times it’s a struggle to get through it. But if you want to be successful, commit to each other! It takes experience and practice to be able to practice!
Here is a recap of some of the best tips that we have discovered in order to keep our practices moving smoothly:
- Have a clear goal for each practice.
- Respect your partner’s goals.
- Create a “translation dictionary”.
- Remember your shared intentions.
- Work with a predetermined practice structure.
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